Monday, March 15, 2010

Still Waters

Emotions like still waters run deep. Still waters can be deceiving because on the surface everything looks smooth and calm, but underneath a torrent of currents are flowing. Emotions are much the same way. On the surface we look calm, we look under control and maybe we are - most of the time.

This past weekend Mike and I stopped by Petsmart to look around. When we walked by the glassed-in training room we saw a chubby, happy, beautiful Boston Terrier. Her resemblance to Molly was unnerving. At first it made me smile and I enjoyed watching her play and do her tricks but as Mike and I walked away I could feel the currents of my emotions rolling up and down, up and down. By the time we reached the back of the store I was tears. No longer calm and collected.

I know now I will always miss my Molly.

The reason for our trip to Petsmart wasn't just to look around. We were seriously considering adopting a Hound Mix and we wanted to look at dog beds. Standing in the back of the store after seeing the Molly look-a-like I felt like I was standing at zero hour and I had a decision to make. Pack my memories of Molly and take them with me into the future or keep my memories on display like an art gallery and take a seat at the bench and stay and watch them over and over like my favorite old movie.

I'm at 00:00 and I can feel time pulling me in separate directions. On one side is the future and Father Time whispering to me. They're telling me how wonderful the future will be: a new love and new adventures. Bring my memories but embrace a new life. If I would just turn and look towards the future I could see how wonderful it will be.

As I start to move forward I feel the hands of time grab my hand and pull me gently to the past. Stay they beckon. Stay in a place where everything was perfect. Life was bliss. Happiness was all around.

I have a decision to make, I can fall back into the past and relive life as it happened or I can spring forward into a new time and place. I don't have to pick one over the other. I can move into the future and still remember the past, but in order to remember the past I have to stop living in it.

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